Now I don’t generally consider myself an awkward person. In real life, I tend to come across as socially competent, confident, and relatively normal (at least that’s what people tell me). However, all that changes when I run into another Black Jew. It’s like a tiny antenna perks up, sounding “Alert, Alert, Black Jew on the horizon!” and my social skills promptly go out of the window.
But why! What happens? It’s not like I don’t see Jews all of the time, I live in NY, where observant Jews are a dime a dozen. It’s not even like I don’t see Black Jews on a regular basis. Given my family, circle of friends, and my work with Jews of Color, other Black Jews are a constant part of my life. So why is it that when I see an unknown Black Jew, inside I yell a quiet “Woohoo!” and promptly lose all social skills. I’m not talking meeting another Black Jew at an event for Jews of Color or being introduced by a mutual friend, but what I’d like to call a “random sighting.”
A “random sighting” is when you see another Black Jew shopping on Ave J or 13th Ave, eating at a kosher restaurant, davening in your shul, or even just walking down the street. It’s seeing a Black Jew in your “natural habitat” so to speak, where you’re not used to seeing another person (you don’t know) who looks like you. Consciously, I’m aware that I’m not the only Black Jew and that regardless of all the Black Jews I know who live all over the United States and Israel, I don’t know them all. However, I’m often the only person like me, whether I be in Jewish or non-Jewish settings. A random sighting automatically expands your world, it means that there are even more of you than you thought. It’s both comforting and intimidating…at least for me.
Each “random sighting” results in momentary paralysis. What do I do? What should I say? Should I say or do anything? I know its presumptuous to even think that they even care about other Black Jews, forget me specifically. Plus, I don’t know them from Adam, if I do say something, what should I say? I have no idea what they’re interested in, who they are, etc. Should I just acknowledge their presence with a head nod or a smile? But what if they’re not looking directly at me? Should I walk up to them? It’s kind of obvious that I’m only approaching them because they’re black. But then, if I don’t say something will they think it’s an intentional slight? That I’m one of those Black Jews who don’t want to associate with other Black Jews because I don’t want such affiliations to take away from my Jewishness (the mentality exists, just accept it, we can argue about it later). We don’t have to be best friends, but I think acknowledging each other….such minorities within a minority can provide chizzuk. Just another’s presence can make one feel less isolated and strengthen resolve and commitment to Torah despite the stares, the questions, and the dismissals of others. Darn it, then I realize that while I’ve been engaging in this internal debate I’ve been staring the whole time. And now whatever I do it’s going to be weird and awkward.
Sigh, so I generally just give one last look and walk by without saying or doing anything.
AWKWARD.
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An early Shabbat Shalom. I just found your site and plan to return to it on a regular basis. Your story made me smile because I spent two months in Bozeman, Montana years ago and almost crashed my car staring at another African American! The folks riding with me couldnt understand why I would stare at another person of color. It was the context and the fact I had spent almost 90 days of my life without seeing ANYONE of COLOR. Currently, I live, work and worship in DC within a small community of JOCs; at least I think its small; its hard to tell. When I see another person of color who is Jewish its usually a man wearing tzitzit or a kippah and fedora. Mostly I smile, nod and if close enough say Shavua Tov or Shabbat Shalom depending on the day of the week. With women of color, I usually do the same although sometimes I have engaged in conversation. But I avoid engaging in “Jewish geography” because it puts folks off. DC, inside the city limits, is different from New York because the Jewish community is blended with the general white community. And the community, like a lot of DC is segregated by both race and class. I think as long as you remain welcoming and humble speaking to folks is fine. I also know there are JOCs who do not want contact with other JOCs. If I know that I give them a wide berth and move on to welcome everyone else.
Again, enjoy your postings and I’m looking forward to reading more.
Not going to lie, I feel ya on a few spots. I’m kinda shyish to other black jews when I’m close to my people. And to be for real, I think I’m like the only one like me. I do my best to follow Torah, but in my path of life, always something that gets my pride going…. then I somehow forget my previous goal and lose my way. Not to mention that to other Jew I’ve met is Like me, I dig anime, I’m not thugnificent or anything but I do play rough sometimes. But at the same thing u got the dumb ass big heart that makes me love a lot too.(don’t get it twisted) and…. Hashem knowsits been a while that I’ve been without my own place of worship. I at least wanna start off my making friends like me.